114

tak tahu nak kata apa.
tapi otak banyak benda yang difikirkan.
nak tulis, tapi ada la hal yang menyekat.
hidup macamni lah.
hm.
hm.
hm.

113

hello, bosan melanda. aku tak tahu pun apa nak cakap sebenarnya tapi haha sebabkan bosan. there u go, dua keping gambaq untuk tatapan hangpa. lol. my first international night stop ialah mumbai, and few days ago dekat singapura. overall, everything was okay. i don't have any complaints regarding the accommodation. hyatt regency mumbai was the best hotel so far, walaupun bila dah keluar hotel memang nampak kedaifan rakyat negara india.

sepanjang dekat negara india, banyak benda yang boleh aku nampak, amati, insafi and semua lah. negara memang daif, rakyat apatah lagi, kotor dia memang terbaik, even kau lalu tepi laut pun, laut tu bukan warna biru tapi warna gelap macam lopak air. aduhai, memang tak ada selera pandang. belum lagi masuk rakyat dia, minta maaf ah tapi bau mereka memang terbaik. aku order nasi beriani untuk berbuka puasa waktu dekat hotel, tapi sayangnya cuma makan sepuluh suap. memang tak lepas anak tekak, rasa macam daun pudina banyak and dapat rasa minyak sapi penuh. i can't take it though. but there's a few things i like about india, the stuffs itself, murah sangat. oh! most of the people that i knew over there, baik!

few days ago aku ke singapura. memang bersih, tapi mendak gila babs. rasa boleh bunuh diri. haha! tak ada night life, hard to find any good and halal restaurants over there. mungkin sebab lokasi hotel yang tak berapa nak strategik. jadi tak apa lah. i'm amazed with the cleanliness, the structures, rules and etc. tapi macam sedih, tengok melayu tak serupa melayu. ok apa-apa lah. alright, penat menaip. toodles.

112

Astaghfirullah, things are getting harder day by day. Can't you guys leave me alone? Teach me in a nice way instead of stressing me off. It had been three weeks and I can see clearly I hang myself one fine day. Where is the fun part? None. It will be much more harder after this, hmm. This kind of environment is totally different from Starbucks or BERNAMA. Cried once, later it will be twice and I'll keep on counting. Kuat betul cabaran Allah SWT bagi sekarang ni, hanya kepada Engkau aku luahkan segalanya sebab hanya Engkau yang memahami. :'(

111

Hello. Masa berlalu dengan begitu cepat, sudah masuk bulan ketujuh untuk tahun 2013. Umur dua puluh empat tahun, tak sangka takdir jadikan aku seorang pramugari. Indah khabar daripada rupa, satu perkataan yang dapat merumuskan segalanya. Betul-betul tak seronok perasaan sekarang ni, tiap masa, tiap waktu moody. Berpura-pura senyum, padahal dalam hati rasa tak seronok. The process itself is very painful for me even though it is a learning process to me. I never felt this kind of feeling, sumpah rasa stress dua puluh empat jam. Stress sebab aku orang baru, masuk je kapal terbang, banyak benda kena tahu. daripada depan sampai ke belakang. Paling susah bila handle business class. Tiap masa ada prosedur bila servis. It sucks. Plus, the configuration for the galley itself. Bloody tough aku cakap dekat kau. Budak baru, perkara normal kalau lembab. Tapi krew-krew terutamanya ketua, tak amik kisah kau baru ke tak, janji kerja kau laju. Which for me a stupid thing. We learnt most of the time theory. Bila masuk praktikal, memang payah la sikit. Don't be so mean to me. I know, through this I'll remember it, tapi jangan la. All of u once been in this phase. Memahami lah sikit. Bandingkan la orang yang kerja 18 tahun dengan 3 hari. Memang la aku nampak super bodoh depan semua orang. Aku menyesal pilih kerja ni, tapi apa boleh buat. Bonding dua tahun, kalau tak 20k menanti untuk syarikat. I hate the culture itself. Hipokrit merata-rata.

110

Terasa seperti ada satu garisan yang asyik ke atas, ke bawah, ke kanan, ke kiri, menyerong dan seantero dengannya menggarisi benak pemikiran. Ibarat tiada jalan pengakhiran. Ya, itu. 

109

february eh? how time flies. this coming 21st going to be a year since bapak left us, me especially. i missed him, seriously i missed him. that is why i kept on teaching sofiyya to learned the word "atuk'. i'll asked her 'atuk mana atuk?' and she replied 'atukkk'. sad thing though. al-fatihah to bapak. anyway, starting february im officially a full timer. higher salary and more worth it. i've stop job hunting actually cause i'm busy working at starbucks, but mak harimau kept on putting the pressure. 'awak cuba lah syarikat ini itu ini itu'. fed up actually but me myself haven't stop trying and praying actually. menyesal tak tolak semua tawaran dulu? i don't have the exact answer, it's a no i guess.

the other day i told my bro in law that i've changed to full timer and i was like 'ni rasa useless kerja starbucks even though full timer skrg'. if u all know what i meant from that, i just need a permanent job. a proper one, a stable salary. and he replied 'ni jgn berfikiran mcm makcik-makcik boleh tak?ni kerja, bukannya menganggur, and apa salahnya starbucks?'. and i was like hmm. i've been thinking this actually, if i dont get a proper job anytime soon, i'll make starbucks as my career but not forever obviously. the differences only from the attire and timing. salary? its just the same. example, my friend working as a pr executive and his salary? 1.8 k a month. when u work at here, your meal and drinks? foc. eheh. so there's pros and cons. the cons? ahhh people perceptions. 'kau belajar tinggi-tinggi, end up dekat starbucks? layan orang? buat air? heh.

apart from it, life treated me okay so far. i came with a routine nowadays which is a coffee session with my friends whenever im off. i'll hang out with the same person every single day. i don't have so many friends actually, social networking friends are just social networking friends. not more than that. actually i get offended with some of my friends behavior when they already have someone in their life. being ignored is the correct word maybe? rarely contact and etc. am i like that before this? i guess so. but brahh its okay, its their life. not mine. ahah. i'll just live my life without them. i'm totally cool with it. oh yeah, i'm supposedly going to sg this month but ahah things happened. a friend of mine confessed his feeling towards me, which makes me errrr eyeww errrr. fucking awkward with it. you're only my course mate, not more than that. sorry friend.

ahhhhhhh okay i should get a sleep by now, back to back working hour. nice eyy? good day!

108

Hello 2013, I didn't have any specific resolutions but I really hope that this year going to be a good year to me. Managed to get my very own driving license ( haha hell yeah weh! siapa sangka! haha ).Next, I can't wait for my degree convocation this October hehe. I've been working as a part-timer for the past two months, I need a permanent job as soon as possible. Rezeki tak sampai lagi aku rasa, teruskan berdoa dan berdoa, In Sya Allah. Love life? As time goes by, I don't look for one now. Lonely itu perkara biasa. Untuk dapatkan seorang lelaki yang dapat menerima diri kau sepenuh jiwa, bimbing kau dalam hal agama, bersabar dengan tiap kerenah, bertanggungjawab dan setia, agak sukar walaupun tidak mustahil. Konklusinya, ikut sahaja aliran masa.

So yeah, till then. Assalamualaikum wbt.

107

Alhamdulillah, selepas empat bulan, selesai sudah alam praktikal. I'm going back to Kedah soon, send my final report then back to Petaling Jaya and starts working as a Barista again at Starbucks as a part-timer. Doakan untuk aku cepat dapat kerja tetap ya! Haha! Anyway, it's been a long time i didn't wrote anything in here. Life treated me good so far. I don't have anything to say. Last night, mimpi pasal Bapak. I'm alone at the graveyard and  crying. Hm. Next, niat untuk pakai tudung dah ada cuma tak tahu bila nak pakai. Plus, bila dah pakai tudung I need to change certain things in my life. Sebab tak nak dipandang orang, contohnya pakai tudung tapi baju ketat, nampak dada. Gitu. Aku ada terbaca jugak artikel yang tulis, jikalau ibu bapa dah meninggal dunia, kita sebagai anak contohnya yang tak menutup aurat, siksaan tu ada jugak pergi dekat ibu bapa. Hm. Alasan lain ialah aku ni selalu berdoa lepas solat yang aku nak dipertemukan dengan jodoh yang soleh. Apalah doa aku itu kalau aku sendiri tak berubah ke arah kebaikan? Betul? So yeah. Do pray for me.

:)

106

Majlis Raya :)

105

honestly, i don't like my siblings. why? cause of their attitude problem. i might be the youngest and i should be the most selfish and stubborn among the rest, but no. instead, both of them reflect this kind of attitude. i felt very sorry and sad towards mak for having this kind of children in her life. kurangnya pendidikan dalam agama adalah salah satu faktor. aku bukannya nak malukan both of them but they should know apa balasannya jikalau meninggikan suara, menidakkan permintaan mak dan sebagainya. sebagai yang bongsu, kadang-kadang aku rasa malu. one of them soon going to know how is it feel 'menderhaka' kepada mak. i just wait patiently for the time to come. nak tengok how her daughter's behavior bila meningkat usia and when the time have come, she will regret. same goes to him, he will regret anytime soon. bila diri tak pernah dihujani dengan ayat-ayat Al-Quran mahupun kerajinan dalam sembahyang, yes ini jadinya. Astaghfirullahalazim.

i'm not saying that i'm a perfect daughter but at least i have the awareness. apa balasannya jikalau menitiskan air mata mak walau setitik. thank you to Allah SWT. aku tahu aku belum contribute apa-apa dekat mak or even at the house, but i will one day. plus, niat aku cuma satu, bahagiakan mak sebelum dia pergi. perasaan menyesal datang selepas bapak pergi. betapa menyesalnya aku dengan layanan dingin yang aku bagi sebelum bapak meninggal. sebab tu, tiap hari tak putus-putus doakan untuk mak dengan bapak. this is me, i can be very sensitive and touching when it comes to my parents. mak is my first priority now. and here i am, menangis seorang diri dalam bilik mak fikirkan kenapa takdir aku tertulis macamni. surrounded by this kind of people makes me sick. people around me might think i'm happy but actually i'm not. yes, this is the story of my life and blogging is the second way for me to express the sadness.

moga Allah SWT timbulkan kesedaran kepada mereka bahawa syurga di tapak kaki ibu, rumah yang mereka duduk adalah rumah mak dan besar dosanya apabila guriskan hati mak. from the outside, mak seems okay but deeply inside i know she isn't happy with her children. takpe, in the future biar aku yang jaga mak. mohon mak ampunkan semua dosa nini.

104

// Seven weeks more then I'm done as a trainee at Bernama. 

// To pursue my dream in journalism or just cut it

// I need my very own driving license! 

// I'm being a mean person lately, sorry. It's karma, do learn from it bro.

// I'm quite worried about my future actually, hmm.

// Being single sometimes can lead to the loneliness, benci.

103

As usual, a quick update :

// Raya was okay. Tidur, makan, tengok tv, lepak.

// Practical, macam biasa. Soon, two months.

K, bye. Hehe.

102

Serius bosan betul duduk dalam pejabat, kurang sangat-sangat kerja. Sampai aku fikir apa motif praktikal aih. Buang duit dan tenaga. Sekarang, blergh layan kan je la. Three more months! Anyway, bila dh boring for sure la tangan dok gatai tekan keyboard. Online shopping, yup every single day aku scroll up and down tengok mana yang okay. Thanx to my friend, I get to know about a site. Cantik gila oi! End up, bought some stuffs. Hehehe! Raya less than a week! Phew. Spend time dengan mak dekat rumah tengok tv sambil terbongkang will be my main activity. Lol. 

101

Remember what I wrote when I'm still struggling with the final exam? Tak ingat? Okay tak apa, haha. I only knew that UUM students going to get their results yesterday at 3 pm.Wow, ketinggalan. Anyway, aku tak lepas nak log in portal cause I totally forgot my password. Yeah I know, baru sebulan tapi semua dah lupa. Lol. Tried for several times and finally, boleh! As usual, berdebar-debar. Tak henti-henti doa, hahaha. Masuk portal, click 'keputusan peperiksaan', amboi loading lama gila. Saja nak permainkan aku heh. Then, tadaa! Terus tengok PMK and PMS. 3.92/4 wasn't that bad for my final exam in last semester. One word, Alhamdulillah. Hehe I was extremely happy yesterday. U can see I'm smiling like an idiot in front of the pc semalam. Straight A's with one A- and three A's, good achievement I must said even Bapak's passed away on February. Aku dah buktikan yang kehilangan Bapak didn't break my spirit to move forward. Actually aku sebenarnya tak perlukan pun sebarang hadiah daripada mak or my family members, aku saja gedik cakap aku nak padahal aku tak nak. Tengok lah apa  jadi dengan Diana, haha tersadai dalam kotak. Hahaha! Plus, mak is the only one yang tahu pasal keputusan ni. Tiga semester straight dekan dah cukup buat gembira. Again, I'm happy with myself. TOTALLY HAPPY, ALHAMDULILLAH. Yeay!

100

So this is my 100th posts. here are the updates.

• Sofiyya's birthday celebration, awesome. 
• Started my practical, been here for three weeks. My job? It was okay, nothing to complaint. the staffs, quite nice. Foods? KL price maa, what do u expect kan? One thing that I hate about working life is the jammed. Bloody pissed off till i update my status in Facebook and Mr Hafidz (practical co-coordinator) commented on it. Haha, I shouldn't expressed my feeling in Facebook though. Sigh. K whatever.
• I didn't enjoyed my weekend perfectly weh. Tired during the weekdays, weekend? Tidur. 
• I still don't have any idea what should I write for my report.
• Puasa? Biasa-biasa sahaja. First Ramadhan without Bapak. Empty feeling. And soon gonna be first Raya celebration without him. Some people might get excited with puasa, but not me. Semuanya biasa sahaja.
• Baju raya? Two kebaya, done. Kain mak bagi, hehe. But at first, aku tak nak baju raya. I still can wear my mum's kebaya. It fits me very well. Tapi, suruh buat jugak baju, okay dah buat.
• I missed some of my friends. Tak ada masa nak jumpa, haih. Jadual mesti lain, benci. 
• Actually I have lots of complaint regarding my life at home, tapi ah biarkan. Keep it to myself.

  Till then, happy fasting.

99

*credit to ct for the picture*

I'm done with my last semester in UUM. Alhamdulillah. Yeay!

Last paper which is Audit, it was okay for me. Went out at 11 am, relieved.

But most of the people said it's tough, err but I don't feel it that way. Acane?

Anyway, right after my exam, continue packing my stuffs. 4pm, went out with siti and fina.

Huski Changlun is the place. Thank you fina for the treat, thank you so much! 

Thank u siti for the photos! Hehe! Good foods with good friends, heaven.

Now, I'm just waiting for my brother to pick me up. Fuh, Petaling Jaya where the heart is.

 Just text or call me if u wanna hang out, cewah! But pick me up lah, can? Hahaha jk.

Till then, take care people. Hugs! 

:)

98

*the video didn't relate with any of my stories. hikhok! btw, it's fall by jb*

I'm quite relieved and happy with my last three papers, Alhamdulillah.

For the second and third paper, it's back to back. Tiring plus risky!

Media analysis, it took me six hours to study everything.

Yeah, exam starts at 9 am and i started at 8 pm, a day before it.

Again, risky! Very. Plus exhausted!

A day before i e-mailed my lecturer and asked wheather I can just Google it.

Surprisingly he said, yes. Hehe! Cause u know, read up all the slides and notes, mengantuk.

Thanx to Tumblr, yes Tumblr and Wikepedia. I managed to answer everything.

We do get tips for this subject, but because of my last minute way of studies. It didn't help.

Again, Tumblr. My main sources. It's media analysis, common Tumblr have the most interesting info's.

Talked about war and Islamophobia, so much fun!

Not only that, for entrepreneurship thank you to room mate for the past years.

Now, I'm waiting for my last paper on the 21st. All izz well please! Haha! Insya Allah!

A question, why everyone feels sad to end their degree life?

Common, it is not the end of the world. What is the use of hand phone? Skype? Facebook?

DRAMA MUCH?

:)

97

i love looking at gif pictures, example? look above. cool. anyway, im done with my first paper, alhamdulillah. truth, it is not that hard. but blergh blamed my stupidity in looking at the time. it supposedly end at 1130 am, but i thought the exam ended at 11 am. it consists of four questions, so i have thirty minutes to finish up one question cause it starts at 9 am. i took almost forty five minutes for the first question, okay kan cheong sudah datang. takut la tak dapat siap. u know the moment when u starts doing an essay, the idea kept on coming and coming andddddddd coming. so yeah, i guess im the only one at the hall who kept on doing this kind of sound 'haihhhhhhh, haihhhhhhhhhh, haihhhhhhhhh'. hahaha! bodoh betei. so, finished up everything exactly at 11 am and i was like yeay! im done! then i looked at the observer/lecturer. 'why on earth u didn't stop the time? hellooo, it's 11 am.' and on that very moment, i took my question paper and looked at the time. ended at 1130 am. HAHA DAFUQ. i laughed at myself, seriously i laughed out loud. no wonder everyone was like very calm. haha! re-checked everything then get myself out after that. and my friend told me that he looked at me cause i went out at 11 am. orang tak keluar lagi kot. and dia bersemangat nak siapkan cepat sebab aku keluar cepat. hahahaha! semangat! just hope for a good result in this paper, in fact each of the papers please. next, gonna be entrepreneurship and media analysis. im not done with media analysis and i only have three more days. shut the fuck up, whattttttttttt! three more days! mampus. okay, starts now. err means three hours from now. hahaha! like an essay entri aku ni, sorry im just having my own sweet time. :)

96

*no living things or non-living has been harmed during this scene, heh ok lol*

akhirnya! tomorrow gonna be the big day for me in my last semester!

i've been waiting for my 1st paper entah berapa lama. mencanak bosan dalam bilik!

6th, 11th, 12th and 21st. can't wait to finish up every single papers yaw

my brother gonna pick me up after that, aiyaiyai tak sabaqnya!

working with my mom and a trip to malacca is what im gonna do for my 2 weeks hols bfre i starts the practical. andddddd u know what!

since sofiyya's got a gold bracelet and necklace from my mom for her upcoming birthday

i asked for that too! as a present for my degree ehehe. tp sebenaqnya nak polaroid rainbow :(

tp mcm membazir je. anywayyyyy people

WISH ME LUCK, WISH ME LUCK!

empat rata for my last semester, ok aim aim aim aim and insyallah boleh. amin ya rabb!

hehe k bye

95

*muka mintak penampaq laju hahaha*

sapp people! final exam mode, final exam mode! blergh do i look like i care ah?

i have been online 24/7, watching movies, skype apa kejadah la aha

tiada kesedaran lansung, ah what to do. aku last minute punya orang

sedar tak sedar, dah tiga bulan bapak meninggal dunia

rindu, sangat rindu. aku ni lepas bapak meninggal, kalau tengok gambaq kat hp, nmpk gmbr bapak, aku cepat-cepat scroll kanan or kiri. yeah, aku mcm tak nak tgk lama-lama cause it certainly gonna make me cry

do u know how is it feel to be an orphan? i thought he will be there when i graduate, get married or even have the chance to see my future son/daughter

yeah, sampai level tu aku fikir. tapi takpe, redha. Allah SWT ada perancangan dan sebab yg tersendiri

pasti ada hikmah, i have to be strong and Al-Fatihah untuk arwah bapak 

nini sayang and rindu dengan bapak :')

anyway! mak called just now. and agak kelakar la conversation kitaorg

as usual, she kept on asking when im going back bla bla bla

aku suruh kemas bilik abg aku siap-siap, kemas sekemas-sekemasnya

aiyak, nnt hilang mood nak tidur cause u know bilik lelaki mcana, huft!

then mak update la pasal itu ini, kenduri untuk arwah bapak this thursday, wedding sana sini

mak p kata saudara perempuan baya aku nak kahwin dah, sekali dgn adik dia

kinda shocked cause aiyak aku sama umoq dgn hang, tp ready apapun tak haha!

 then i was like 'oh yeke, bagus la semua nak kahwin'

pastuuuu, tiba-tibaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mak ckp

'NI, AWAK TAK NAK CARI LAGI KE?'

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jap nak gelak kuat-kuat, hahahahahahahahaha! 

kelakar lah sia bagi aku cause mak never asked that kind of question to me

am i that matured now? u know, ditanya soalan yang macmtu

ahhh kena tanya gitu, senyum je ah boleh pastu teruih tukaq topik krkrkr

jwpn utk soalan mak sebenarnya senang, i do want a new guy in my life but till now i can't find it

 so, biaq masa ja lah jawab. haha! plus, tak maw ah couple lama. serious tak maw.

cukup beberapa bulan, teruih lansung! hahahahahaha! but if i still cant find the right when im 26, i'll let mak do her job. im cool with it. 

plus, aku nak kumpul harta untuk diri sendiri dulu! nak berharta sat. hehehe. toksah rushing hehe.

:p